The Cows.
by Lunar Shinra
Summary: A parody of The Birds with Tenchi Muyo! characters. Please R+R.


  
Tenchi Muyo!  
The Cows  
By: DaVe AkA LUnAr (Lunar Shinra)  
Last Updated: 5/23/01  
  
  
Masaki House  
  
Ayeka: "OMG RYOKO! This time you've gone too far!! I'll never forgive  
you!!!"  
  
Ryoko: "Oh calm down. It's no biggy. I could just run out and get  
her something now. Geesh..."  
  
Ryoko flies off.  
  
Ayeka: "I'm not surprised that monster woman would forget Sasami's  
birthday... sigh..."  
  
Ryoko in the sky: "Stupid Ayeka... why do I let her push me around  
anyway? Oh well... this is for Sasami not that prissy princess..."  
  
Ryoko flies pass an open field and sees an army of cows running   
around in a circle.  
  
Ryoko: "That's strange... Hey! Maybe I'll get her one of those!"  
  
Ryoko lands and steals a baby cow. She locks it in a cage and wraps  
it up. It begins to suffocate.  
  
Ryoko then flies back to the Masaki house.  
  
They surprise Sasami as she exits the kitchen.  
  
Everyone: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"  
  
Sasami: "AAHHH!" ::so scared the pot of hot stew flies out of her hands  
and lands on Nobuyuki::  
  
Nobuyuki: "AAAHHH!!! HOT HOTTT!!!"  
  
Sasami: "Presents! Presents!"  
  
Ryoko: ::hands Sasami her "box"::  
  
Ayeka: "Ugh... Ryoko... what is that awful smell? Have you stopped   
bathing again?"  
  
Ryoko: "Hey watch it!" ::hold out her fist::  
  
Sasami opens it and sees the dead baby cow.  
  
Ayeka: "RYOKO! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!!!?!?"  
  
Ryoko: "EXCUSE ME!? WHY YOU UNGRATEFULLY SPOILED BRAT!!!"  
  
Logs appear around Ayeka and Ryoko forms a fireball.  
  
Tenchi: "Hey!! Watch it! Not in here!!!"  
  
Sasami: "Yea! You'll ruin my birthday!!"  
  
Ryoko and Ayeka calm down as Ayeka disposes of the dead cow.  
  
Sasami opens Ryo-ohki's gift: "OH! How nice! You got me a... carrot..."  
  
Ryo-ohki: "Meow! Meow!"  
  
Sasami: "...I think he wants to share it..." ::sighs and breaks it  
in half::  
  
Tenchi got Sasami a cutting knife.  
  
Nobuyki got Sasami a comic book.  
  
Washu got Sasami a cutting board.  
  
Kiyone got Sasami a nifty Space Police pen.  
  
Sakuya says she chipped in to buy Ryo-ohki's gift.  
  
Mihoshi got lost.  
  
Ayeka got Sasami a hug.  
  
Sasami forces a smile: "Oh... my... I'm... so... happy... heh..."  
  
Sasami suddenly stands up: "Oh my! What about the cake! Yes! I'll cut  
it with my new knife!"  
  
Ayeka: "...Cake? Wasn't Mihoshi supposed to get the cake?"  
  
Kiyone: "That idiot..."  
  
Ryoko: "Hey... I'm hungry!"  
  
Nobuyuki: "Yes I am too!"  
  
Tenchi: "So am I..."  
  
Mihoshi suddenly pops out of nowhere: "I'm starving!"  
  
Washu: "Hey! Mihoshi! Where's the cake?"  
  
Mihoshi slaps herself: "Oh my! I was so hungry I must have eaten it!"  
  
Ayeka: "Sasami could you please finish cooking dinner for us?"  
  
Sasami: "GRRRR..." ::storms off mad::  
  
Ryoko: "...What's her problem?"  
  
At dinner, Sasami is no where to be seen.  
  
Ryoko: "...I'm sorry to say this but this dinner stinks..."  
  
Their dinner was congee and lettuce.  
  
A loud tap is heard from the front door.  
  
Ayeka: "Hmm... what could that be?"  
  
Tenchi: "I'll get it!" ::gets up::  
  
Tenchi: "AAAHHH!!!" ::falls back as he gets hit by a cow that bursted  
in through the door::  
  
Ayeka: "Oh gee... we seem to have a thing with dead cows today..."  
::eyes Ryoko suspiciously::  
  
Ryoko: "HEY! What did I do!?"  
  
That Night...  
  
Ryoko sleeping on the couch: "ZZzzZzzZzzz..."  
  
A cow lands with a thud in the fireplace.  
  
Ryoko: ::blink:: "What the?"  
  
Millions of cows swarm in from the chimney and begin running around  
everything destroying furniture.  
  
Ryoko: "AAAHHH!!!!!"  
  
Ryoko kills them off with fireballs but they keep coming.  
  
They start squirting acid milk.   
  
Ayeka comes downstairs: "What is all this noise R-AAAHHH!!!!" ::creates  
a shield::  
  
Next day...  
  
Nobuyuki: "Someone needs to pick Tenchi up from school... I don't  
trust him..."  
  
Ryoko: "Isn't he old enough to get home himself?"  
  
Mihoshi: "I'll go!" ::runs off::  
  
Kiyone: "Wow... first time I ever saw Mihoshi volunteer to do any  
work..."  
  
Mihoshi waits in the schoolyard of Tenchi's school.  
  
Mihoshi: ::starts humming:: "Tu... tutututu."  
  
Mihoshi: ::stomach grumbles:: "I'm so hungry..."  
  
Mihoshi looks at the playground.  
  
A cow is swinging on the swings.  
  
Mihoshi blinks.  
  
In a blink another cow appears pushing the swing.  
  
Suddenly a cow jumps ontop of the monkey bars. They all stare at  
Mihoshi with evil eyes.  
  
Mihoshi turns around and when she turns back there are millions of  
cows on the monkey bars staring at her. The cows are so heavy they  
crush the monkey bars and all land on the ground.  
  
Mihoshi: "Hmm... I wonder if this is unusual..."  
  
All of a sudden the cows begin to levitate.  
  
Mihoshi: "OooooOOooOoO..."  
  
The cows fly all over the place bashing into things.  
  
Mihoshi: "AAAHHHH!!!" ::begins to run::  
  
Cows: "MMMOOOOOOO!!!!!!"  
  
Mihoshi runs to a nearby cafe and sees Tenchi there.  
  
Mihoshi: "Where were you!?"  
  
Tenchi: "We got dismissed hours ago..."  
  
Waiter: "I tell you there's something wrong with those cows!"  
  
Cow Expert Girl Essie: "That's impossible! Cows are gentle, sweet  
creatures!"  
  
A cow comes flying in through the window and rips CEGE's head off.  
  
Tenchi: "Ugh..."  
  
Mihoshi: "AAAHHH!! We're surrounded!" ::runs out like an idiot::  
  
Mihoshi looks around: "Need a place to hide!"  
  
Mihoshi stupidly runs into a telephone booth. Millions of cows  
smash the glass and begin chasing her.  
  
Mihoshi: "AAAAIIEEEE!!! HELP MMMEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"  
  
When Mihoshi and Tenchi come back home.  
  
Tenchi: ::gasp:: "OMG!!!"  
  
Ayeka lies dead on the floor.  
  
Sasami: "NNOOO!!! ::starts crying::  
  
Mihoshi: "This looks like a job for the Space Police!"  
  
Washu: "I could do it easily but if we were to wipe out the entire  
population of cows we couldn't possible get away without destroying  
innocent civillains."  
  
Kiyone: "She's right..."  
  
Ryoko: ::sarcastic voice:: "Oh gee... that's just too bad about  
Ayeka..."  
  
Ayeka's body suddenly sits up and begins choking Ryoko.  
  
Ryoko: "ACK!"  
  
Sasami: "Ayeka! You're alive!"  
  
Ayeka: "Why of course I am! I wouldn't die that easily! Just because  
I'm missing some hair... doesn't mean an... y... AAAHHH!!!" ::runs  
to find a mirror::  
  
They turn around to find Sakuya who's the real one who died.  
  
Tenchi: "We better be prepared for the worst..."  
  
That night...  
  
They all go into Washu's lab and boarder up the closet door.  
  
Tenchi: "Hey... are we forgeting someone?"  
  
Nobuyuki locked outside: ::knock knock:: "Hey let me in!"  
  
Washu: "Oh no! The cows have already begun to approach!"  
  
Mihoshi: "WAAAHHH!!! I'M SCARED!!" ::hugs Washu tightly::  
  
Washu: "HEY! LET GO!" ::knocks Mihoshi off:: "We must launch the  
missiles... AIM... FIRE!!"  
  
A missile if launched at Nobuyuki: "AAAAHHHHH!!!"  
  
Cows slowly begin to approach the house and they see Nobuyuki's   
body lying the floor.  
  
Nobuyuki: "EEK! Nice cow... nice, nice..." ::picks up a chair:: "Oh   
god... why the hell did I have to design a living room with glass   
walls!?"  
  
Cows: ::evil look:: "Mooooo..."  
  
Mihoshi is holding tight onto Kiyone and won't let go.  
  
Few moments later...  
  
Mihoshi: "Hmm... this is boring... I think I'll go walk around!"  
  
Mihoshi gets up and walks to the door.  
  
She opens it and looks outside. There's shadowed glass everywhere.  
Cows turn to her and start attacking her.  
  
Mihoshi: ::shuts eyes::   
  
Mihoshi faints and Kiyone comes to her rescue, dragging her back in.  
  
Kiyone kicks her body into the water: "YOU IDIOT!!!"  
  
Tenchi grabs Kiyone: "Calm down! She's already bleeding!"  
  
Washu: "We have to get her to a hospital right now!"  
  
Ryoko: "Yes... but do we really want to?"  
  
Washu: "Not really but we got no food and I'm hungry."  
  
Ayeka: "Yes... me too..."  
  
Sasami: "Ryo-ohki could easily get us away from the cows."  
  
Ryoko: "Come to think of it why couldn't we just fly off into space?"  
  
They slowly creep out of the lab to find millions of cows standing  
around staring at them. Dead silence.  
  
They slowly walk through the crowds of cows.  
  
Ryoko: ::throws Ryo-ohki into the air breaking the silence::  
  
Ryo-ohki: "MEOOWWW!!" ::turns into spaceship::  
  
Cows begin jumping at them all over the place.  
  
Ryoko: "RUN FOR IT!!!"  
  
They all get transported inside the ship and fly off as the cows  
begin to calm down and freeze.  
  
The cows turn around and watch as the ship slowly move away.  
  
Will they make it...?  
  
  
THE END... OR IS IT?  
  



End file.
